I worked Sunday night and did not really feel like writing a post after returning home. I ended up working alone that night. The shift manager really wanted to watch the Super Bowl so I told her to go on home and enjoy her evening. I cannot say my first night working alone went entirely without mishaps but all went well enough that I still remain employed. So, that is good news.
Shannon and the kids enjoyed an evening at Rupp watching a UK basketball game last Tuesday evening. They were out so late that I let the kids sleep in the next morning. Unfortunately, Sparkles did not relish the experience. Any expedition without me is just not her jam these days. I hope she will adjust soon and quit punishing herself for my current adventures in the work force. I am off work this coming weekend and I believe a girl’s evening out is in order.
We are still tweaking our homeschool schedule. The kids tried to take on more responsibility for their own education. They were not ready for that step but I gave them some time to try
anyway. My parents kept my wings clipped and that created in me a lack of confidence that I still struggle to overcome. Today, after failing the tests they had to accept they still needed my direction. It really isn’t the great tragedy they seem to believe and the experiment gave me time to think up how to accomplish the necessary milestones.
My husband took over Sparkles math education. She needs one on one time with someone and she really wants to work with her Daddy. I am always pulled in every direction during our school hours that I struggle to give one on one time to each child. That is my weakness and greatest struggle as a mom and home educator. I am grateful my husband is so willing to be involved and… I feel guilty too. Sometimes I feel like I am failing my family. I am not enough. The “mom
guilt” can pile up pretty high sometimes. I had a couple of bad days this past week or so. The honest truth is that I will let them down in some way. It will be unintentional but they will hurt and have wounds that only our Creator can heal. If I could provide them a perfect and beautiful life they would never realize their need for God. They would have little empathy for the suffering of humanity. I think that is the hardest reality for a mother to face and accept…well, for me anyway. Maybe the rest of you have it all together and I am the only one who is a mess. I believe…I really believe in my kids. I know they will grow, learn and carry on.
Today, we laughed so hard over a dictation sentence that I was rolling in the floor with tears streaming down my face. This has got to be the most ridiculous sentence I have ever read and it was all I could do to recite it to the kids.
“The fluffy goat did not have a passport.”
Why does a goat need a passport? Fluffy? Fluffy brings cuddly to mind and goats are anything but cuddly! You know what a goat would do with a passport? Eat it! Oh well…we needed the laugh.
Oldest prepared our table and meal for Poetry and Breakfast today. He created Lego sculptures based on the younger kids’ love of the game app DragonVale. They were all so surprised this morning. Just when I think my kids bickering is going to drive me over the edge one of them will do something so nice for their siblings. We ended up with a lovely teatime and indulged in each others’ company longer than usual. Next week poetry and breakfast time is on Valentine’s Day and thanks to a sweet friend we are already prepared for a lovely morning!
Last night I cried at work. Someone did something so kind and unexpected and I felt so unworthy. I wanted to argue and refuse the kind and very generous gift. But that Little Voice inside said to be humble and accept. Humbled in spirit I accepted the gift and wept. I could not stop the tears while loading a customer’s car with groceries. The lady got out of her car and asked me why I was crying. I told her that someone was so generous and kind to me that I could not stop the tears of gratitude. She told me that she needed to see my tears to understand a situation in her life. I did not ask and she did not elaborate. We just shared a moment together. Each of us responding to God in our own way. I know that in that moment I passed on a blessing that I had received. Despite how much I doubt in the people who call themselves God’s Church, in that moment I felt a connection to His people.