Today I am forty-four. I did not realize it was my birthday until I noticed there were messages on my phone telling me so. I then had to do a little math to figure out my age. Math is hard all groggy eyed and coffee deprived. Some people get a little out of sorts on turning a year older. I am happy to be right-here, right-now. I am not even close to perfect (nor will I ever be!) but my days are beautiful.

I spent part of the day reflecting on my life…journey…story. I’m not sure that I have anything all that profound to offer in the way of wisdom. I have learned (only recently and the hard way) that peace and the pursuit of an enchanted life comes from within my own soul. My strength and self-worth do not come from the outside. I do not have to be perfect to be loved. I do not have to purify myself of my inner daemons to be accepted by God.

At first I dreaded Christmas this year. I am the black sheep in some family circles. I’m tired of feeling sad…expendable…outcast. I’m done fighting in wars I’ll never win. I had a Zen moment and let the sadness go last week. I do not have to find acceptance within the family. I just have to bring my own with me. But, I feel compelled to confess that if I could find a t-shirt with a black sheep I would totally wear it to Christmas. Okay so maybe my Zen moment wasn’t perfect…

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